HouseStargate crossover
by Sith Jesto
Summary: HouseStargate crossover. What else is there to say...
1. Chapter 1

Betas**: Thyla** (she helped to make this story more readable) and **Simpleinsanity**

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Cheyenne Mountain , Colorado, SGC. General Hammond, Dr. Fraiser, and SG-1 in the meeting room.

"General Hammond, we need a specialist in Infectious Diseases and Diagnostic.- pointed out Dr. Fraiser. " The last virus SG-4 brought back home and it's rapid spread over the whole base clearly showed we are sorely lacking in this area. It was pure luck we've even noticed any sign of it. We may not be this fortunate without a specialist next time. And you can be sure there will be a next time, sir, there always is. "

"I understand Doctor. How soon can you find a suitable candidate for this position?"

"I am not sure, sir. There are lot of candidates out there who I would need to look through, and this really is not my field. It could last weeks if not months. I will ask around among the staff here and at the Academy Hospital. Maybe someone can point out some viable candidates."

"With your permission General, – Jack interrupted- I may have a candidate who is well versed in both fields, and well known "_and feared _he added mentally "among his piers." Seeing the General's questioning look he hurriedly added "The last time we meet he spoke more then three languages and I heard in the meantime he picked up Hindi just so he can read an article." _And take his revenge on an old rival_. He almost shuddered and thanked whichever deity was looking after him that he has never done anything to piss the man off.

"Hindi. Wow, I always wanted to learn it but never found the time." commented Daniel enthusiastically. His eyes lit up like a kid's in a candy store. "Maybe he could help me out with a translation or two.

"Sure." Jack supplied sarcastically. He knew his old friend well and it sure would take more then one miracle for this to happen. He rolled his eyes, making Carter giggle. "An added bonus is that he was once in the Air Force, sir." _Before he booted himself out._

"Was Colonel? What happened?"

"Well sir. The military lifestyle did not really agree with him. He is more of a free thinking - _and_ _speaking_ – kinda guy."

"I take it he was not a military type. How much did he stand out?"

"A bit."

"A bit?"

"A bit too much, sir" Jack confessed. He bowed his head and studied an interesting a spot on the floor.

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Hammond groaned inwardly, he could just picture what type of man could be O'Neill's old acquaintance. How did the old saying go? Birds of a feather...? If you just take the Colonel for example. He could already feel a headache coming on. But he also knew, Colonel O'Neill wouldn't have mentioned this guy if he wasn't brilliant in his field and if O'Neill hasn't trusted him.

"And what's this man's name?" Jack looked a bit uncomfortable for a moment before he answered.

"Dr. Gregory House." When he glanced up Janet eyes shot daggers at him. It was obvious what the good Doctor's opinion was about his old friend. He counted on House's reputation though to soften up Janet a bit. It might cost him a couple of days of babysitting Cassie and her friends. Summer camp was just coming up. He could handle six giggling, hormonal teenage girls. No problem. None at all... Oy, he hoped he would survive it. It could not be that hard, could it? Right? Right?? His gaze met with Doc's. Their eyes locked for a brief moment before Doc looked away and broke the silence.

"I've heard about him, General." nodded Janet. "He is quite brilliant, known to figure out the impossible. But Colonel, if I remember right, he is the Head of the Department of Diagnostics at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. I doubt he would come here."

Is it possible there is sarcasm in her voice or it is just his imagination? It wasn't important. He had the answer for this. A childish smile came upon his face.

"Under normal circumstances I would doubt it as well, but he loves to solve puzzles and I heard he had finally managed to anger the wrong man at the hospital."

"It sounds strangely familiar."- Daniel piped in.

"What d'ya mean?" asked back Jack with his best _'I have no idea what are you talking about'_ expression on his face. Teal'c arched an eyebrow, and looked seriously at O'Neill.

"DanielJackson thinks, O'Neill, that this GregoryHouse and you have similar attributes."

"Gee thanks T."

"No problem O'Neill." Teal'c nodded with a very small smile on his face. Jack rolled his eyes at him, while Sam and Janet outright giggled. Daniel snickered and even General Hammond had to supress a smile at their light banter.

"Colonel O'Neill, you have permission to approach Doctor House, see if he would be interested to work for the military and recruit him. You need anything else?" asked Hammond.

"Yes sir. I would like to request that Major Ferretti and some special ops guys accompany me." The General raised an eyebrow at that, but O'Neill just smiled and gestured with his hand nonchalantly. "Ya known just to show him we really mean business." Jack clapped his hand together in anticipation. He was looking forward to playing a prank on House seeing as he was always the one pulling a fast one on him.

Hammond nodded warily not quite sure he would really want to know what the Colonel was up to.

"Then I'm off." With that O'Neill was on his feet before anyone could stop him and made his way toward the commissary where he was sure he could find Ferretti.

As he strolled down the corridor outside the meeting room, he heard General Hammond order the Doc to look in House's qualifications, and for Carter to make a background check.

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As O'Neill assumed earlier Mayor Lou Ferretti was at the commissary, taking a launch break. The Major was just taking a swig of his coffee when Jack approached him.

"Hey Ferretti, hurry up we need to pick up House." At his statement Ferretti sprayed the table with coffee as he gaped at Jack.

"House, as in Greg House?" Lou asked exasperated.

"Yep." Jack supplied helpfully with a grin on his face, enjoying his old friend's reaction to the news. The other man looked at him desparately hoping he was just joking. When he saw that the Colonel wasn't Lou groaned out loud.

"It's too late to asked for retreat?"

"Yes."

"To ask for a suicide mission?"

"Uh-uh"

"To ask for transfer to Antarctica?"

"Yep, give it up Lou. Come on. We are off to see the wizard."

"More likely the Wicked Witch of the East." Jack just grinned at him as he pulled him out of his seat and guided him toward the exit.

"Nah, he isn't that bad. Most of the time." Jack mumbled the last part more to himself then anyone else as they made their exit from the commissary, leaving behind a bewildered group of scientist and soldiers.

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Leave review - tell me what you think about this story 


	2. Chapter 2

Beta: **Thyla **(All thanks to Thyla for making this story easier readable anbd more enjoyable.)

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Chapter 2

A windy Monday afternoon, Nurse Brenda stood by the counter and felt her day could not get any worse or stranger. Her day so far was nothing short of a small catastrophe. Her car broke down two streets from the hospital when she was driving to work so she needed to walk. Of course it started to rain. When she finally arrived she was soaking wet shivering from the cold. She hoped she would find Cuddy in good spirits and the Dean would allow her to take a day off.

Her hope was shattered when she stepped inside a war zone; I mean the hospital, where two equally dangerous opponents eyed each other. House's blue eyes danced with mirth while Cuddy's flashed with anger. House's mouth curled upward to a smirk, Cuddy's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"House!" Brenda could feel the annoyance and anger mixed in Cuddy's voice in just that one word.

"C'est la vie, ma cherie." House smirked, and twisted around showing his retreating back to his boss. Doctor Cuddy screamed after the bane of her existence, otherwise known as Greg House.

"House!! Come back here we aren't finished. You hear me!?" When House continued like he did not hear Cuddy, she folded her arms around her chest and looked pissed and pleased at the same time. "Good then you are on clinic duty. All day." and she smiled.

House pleaded, begged, blackmailed, finally lost and with a half annoyed look on his face disappeared in exam room 101, like a sulking little boy. Nurse Brenda knew it would be a long, a very, very long day. The thought crossed her mind again to take out a sick day but seeing Cuddy's frustrated state she opted against it.

And now, now she stood by the counter and listened to a patient complain about Doctor House again. She felt a headache coming on, and to her horror she found that she agreed with House –what a terrible thought – this woman was a stupid, moronic hypochondriac who couldn't recognise a common flu. _'Oy weh, oy weh why didn't she take the day off.'_

The moment her desperate thought was born it was quickly followed by the next surprising turn of her day. Two military jeeps screeched to halt in front of the Hospital and four armed man got out the cars. One of them wore a blue Air Force uniform and was flanked by his man as he made his way in to the Hospital. The hypochondriac woman's babbling slowly muted out as she watched the good looking, tall officer step inside the waiting area. His sharp, cold brown eyes surveyed the room, before his gaze settled on her. His eyes softened a bit as their eyes met as he stepped closer to the counter.

"I am looking for Doctor Gregory House." His voice was nice, like silk, as he spoke with authority. And he was looking for House. What?! She just knew she should have taken the day off. She smiled at him nervously and prayed she heard him wrong.

"Doctor House?!" She asked her voice sounding a bit off, but it was not everyday the military was looking for one of their doctors. Not even for this one doctor in particular_. What did that man get himself into this time? _He got in more trouble then a five year-old. You looked the other direction for two seconds and he'd burn down the house down. The Air Force officer just nodded. "Please wait a here, I call Doctor Cuddy, the Dean of this Hospital." Without really waiting for an answer Nurse Brenda hurried to Cuddy's office and opened the door.

"Doctor Cuddy, some military officer is here for House."

"What?!" Cuddy sounded pained as she tried to ease the pain of her own upcoming headache. "What's he done now?" she asked Brenda, but before the nurse could answer she put up her hand to stop her "No, don't answer that. I changed my mind. I do not want to know" she sighed and stood. With Cuddy at her side, Nurse Brenda walked back to the waiting military officers.

"I am Dr Lisa Cuddy, the Dean of this hospital. How may I help you Officer…?" the man dressed in blue smiled charmingly at her, making him even more handsome.

"Colonel. Colonel O'Neill, Air Force ma'am. We are here on official business; I have orders to take Dr. Gregory House with me."

"What's he done this time?" A mildly amused look flickered over O'Neill's face. Brenda could swear the man's expression looked disturbingly familiar, but she couldn't really place it.

"I'm afraid I can't give you that information, Dr. Cuddy. Classified."

"It must be a misunderstanding. I am sure Doctor House could not have done anything this serious." She smiled, but her expression clearly showed she herself didn't really believe it. After the Tritter incident and all the trouble the man caused she should know better. Cuddy, seeing O'Neill won't give her more information, finally looked around to see if she could spot House. When she didn't see him she turned toward Brenda and asked. "Where is House?" Cuddy sounded tired and angry. Brenda's gaze flickered to the clock on the wall and she gulped before answering

"He is taking a lunch break." Cuddy and Colonel O'Neill's followed her look to the clock on the wall. It was just past 3 P.M.

"This man." muttered Cuddy to herself as she turned on her heels and stormed down the corridor, Brenda would have swore she saw a small, almost knowing smile flicker over the Colonel's and one of his man's face. Nah, she must be just imagining it.

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Cuddy felt like… well there was not a proper word to describe how she felt. Why, oh why did she ever agree to employ House? Because the man was brilliant, and unique and terribly mouthy and annoyingly childish at the same time No, there was something else, but what?? Oh yes, guilt, her guilt. She grimaced. Even now she remembered the accusing blue eyes as they cut deeper then House's words. She needed to help him, he was her responsibility. Like a child who needed protection. Of course in this situation it was more likely she needed to save him from himself and the trouble his big mouth always got him into. If only House could keep his mouth shut. Oh yeah fat chance of that ever happening. But thinking about things she couldn't change was an exercise in futility. She needed to concentrate on the situation at hand.

She looked at Colonel O'Neill and wondered what disaster could come this time. The incident with Tritter wasn't even over and House somehow managed to get into yet another mess. But what did he do that the Air Force came to arrest him? She needed to know for sure before she could call a lawyer, but who? The last few who worked with House threatened to quit if they had to do it again, and she could not allowed that. There was the new girl, Johnson. Nah, she won't throw a lamb to the wolf, even if the wolf most probably would enjoy that. One employee brought to tears per month was enough for Cuddy, and House was over the quota for this year even though it was only June.

Someone with more experience was needed. Stacy. Yes she would be good, but Cuddy was not that desperate just yet to call her. Maybe if she knew what the hell was going on, she would be able to stand the mad house these two lovebirds could make around each other. She turned toward the Colonel to try to gain some information.

"I don't know what House did this time but I am sure we can sort this out. If you could just tell me what he has done." She tried again to clean up House's mess. Amused brown eyes gazed down at her, before looking back at his man.

"I am sorry ma'am. I can't discuss with you why I am here."

"Why?"

"National Security."

"What?! Oh, just wait till I get my hands on him." She fumed. She heard one of the solders mutter under his breath something about small Doctor's are all alike but she couldn't really catch it all and it was not that important just now.

As they neared the cafeteria, she asked a few more question but got the same answers. 'Classified'

'National Security.'

'Needed clearance'

She felt like she was in some cheesy spy movie. She swore if House got out of this alive and free, she would kill him herself.

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James Wilson just shook his head at his friend's antics as the older man yet again stole a french fry from his plate. While House gesticulated wildly as he retold his last clinic patent's moronic actions. Amusement danced in House crystal blue eyes and a smile tugged his mouth.

The tale was really funny if you didn't count the poor patient's humiliation. Wilson was just about to scold his friend when the other man's expression suddenly changed. House's browns frowned in puzzlement and his eyes focused at the cafeteria's entrance. Interested in what caught his friend's attention James turned. "What is it?" he asked while twisting around toward the entrance so he could see what House and half of the cafeteria was looking at.

What he saw made his jaw drop. In the corridor a very angry looking Cuddy was approaching, which on its own wouldn't be too unnatural, especially if she headed toward House, but at her side there were a well-armed team of solders. "What's going on?" he wondered out loud, unsure if he wanted to really know the truth or not.

His stomach turned in a knot which usually signalled something bad was about to happen. His answer arrived in Cuddy person who stalked toward them. Wilson had a tiny bit of hope she would keep walking on, but this tiny hope was destroyed as well when she stopped at their table with a grim look on her face. He tried to smile at her but he could feel it came out more like a grimace than a smile.

"House these gentlemen want to speak with you in private. And I myself want to know what have you done _this time_." Her calm face broke at her last word, and anyone could plainly hear the anger, worry and frustration in her voice. She had her arms on her hips, and her whole posture screamed annoyance.

"I am deeply wounded " House had a fake hurt look on his face as he took up a nonchalant pose in his chair but Wilson saw his friend's guarded look as he studied the solders' face. "The porno is all Wilson's. " Wilson's head snapped toward his friends as he gaped at him.

"House!!" Cuddy almost hissed in annoyance.

"What?

"House?!" James asked as he looked at House, question plainly seen in his eyes. _What you get yourself in this time?_

"Since when is it a crime to heck in the Pentagon's system?" House said innocently and smiled. His smile clearly showed if he even he knew what's going on, he wouldn't give it away. Wilson buried his face in his hands, and groaned.

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Thanks for everyone who read this story so far, especially for the ones who left review as well. Hope you would enjoy this chapter as well 


	3. Chapter 3

Beta: **Thyla **(All thanks to Thyla for making this story easier to read and more enjoyable.)

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Seeing House's smug amusement in this precarious situation, Lisa Cuddy felt this almost primal feeling coursing through her veins. She could feel her innate instincts trying to surface. Her eyes narrowed on her pray and her fingers itched to curl around House's neck and squeeze it. 

Only years of practiced self-control and her deep seated mantra kept her from lounging toward House, and do just that. Sometimes, like today, her mantra 'don't kill House, don't kill House' just didn't quite cover it. Maybe she could defend herself in the court of law with a momentary loss of sanity. God knows, even the best of days, and this wasn't one, House could try the patience of a Saint.

Of course, most of the hospital's staff, including Cuddy herself, was of the opinion that her moment of insanity was when she employed him. She wondered if, no, _when_she killed House where could she hide the body. Maybe Wilson would help out, but even if not, there were a lot of other candidates for the job. Hell most of the staff, not to mention his former patients would gladly volunteer. She was pulled back to the present by the Colonel's voice.

"It is a very serious admission you made, Doctor House. It is considered treason for which the penalty should be… I mean could be death." The Colonel's dark eyes lit up for a moment as he said this, before the blankness quickly replaced it, making his voice sound somehow more sincere. Cuddy shuddered when the Colonel's two men stepped toward the still seated House.

"Doctor House, I'd appreciate it if you would accompany us on your own, but if not…" the Colonel trailed off, leaving it open to everyone's imagination what he would do if House said no. Cuddy had a very good idea what the two officers flanking House were capable of doing to her prodigal doctor.

She gulped not believing it would come to that. She looked at Wilson, seeing her friend coming to the same conclusion. Wilson stood up his face clearly mirroring her disbelief. He was ready to protest and even to protect his friend. Even House looked momentarily stunned by this turn of events, but his piercing blue eyes never left the Colonel's face. When he finally answered, Wilson almost choked on his words and Cuddy had to massage her nose in an attempt to ease her frustration.

"Hey I am a cripple;" House looked up with his most innocent puppy dog eyes. Cuddy wondered how it was she always fell for this look despite of how many times she had seen House pulling it on her. The only thing comforting her was the knowledge that she wasn't the only one. It looked however like the good Colonel was immune to it. O'Neill just raised an eyebrow. "You wouldn't harm me.' House implored' There are rules against such things somewhere." The Colonel looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Sir, maybe he is talking about the 'shoot first ask question later' rule." supplied the Major, Wilson's eyes widened comically at the suggestion.

"Do you think Major?"

"No!" House said as he leaned back in his chair. "I am talking about safe haven for the injured and medics, and as I am both…" he spread his hands. O'Neill narrowed his eyes and nodded as in agreement before he shook his head negatively:

"Nope, never heard of it. You Major?" he arched a questioning eyebrow at Ferretti.

"Ah… Sir, no sir."

"Sweet. Well then Doctor House, if you would…" House stood with as much suffering martyrdom as he could. His eyes roamed over the cafeteria, where now most of the hospital staff, including House's ducklings congregated.

"Jimmy I, I don't know how to tell you this, how to ask but… I trust you to keep safe everything what is important too me" House's gaze switched from the bewildered Wilson to Cuddy to his ducklings, they all looked slightly touched before he met his friend's gaze. "Take care of my rat, Steve."

"WHAT!!!"

"House!"

House just smirked, before he let himself being led away. Cuddy watched him limp away, before the Colonel stepped in her sight.

"Ma'am, thank you, and your staff, for your cooperation." He was just about to turn away when she called out.

"Colonel O'Neill, please tell me…" she really didn't know what she was asking, she could not really word it, but it seemed the Colonel understood.

"I would love to reassure you, you will get back Doctor House unharmed…" the Colonel studied for a moment House's limping retreating form, before his gaze met Cuddy's again. "But I can't." with that the Air Force Colonel nodded his goodbye before he marched after his men.

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As soon as they stepped outside PPTH, House whirled around to face his two old acquaintances, maybe even friends.

"Okay, it was fun but if you won't tell me now what's going on, I'll kick your ass."

"No hello, how are you? Man, nobody takes the time for pleasantries anymore." complained O'Neill good naturedly.

"Jack, you are speaking about House, here." Ferretti pointed out helpfully, with a big grin on his face as he jumped in the Jeep.

"Good point." Jack turned back to House nodding his head toward the waiting car, inviting House to get in as well.

"Am not going anywhere until you don't start talking."

"Get in the car and we tell you everything." promised Jack.

"You will like it House." assured him, Ferretti. While he was climbing grouchily in the car, he looked back at O'Neill with an arched eyebrow.

"I will?" he asked, while he moved to sit more comfortably. His leg ached terribly, the movement to get in the Jeep didn't really help only caused the pain to flare up more intensely. His discomfort didn't go unnoticed by either officer. They shared a look as O'Neill answered cheerfully "Yep… Well of course it's all depending…" Jack trailed off mysteriously.

"On what?" House asked back suspiciously.

"What's your opinion of E.T.?" House just stared at his friend's merrily glittering brown eyes.


End file.
